Better Late Than Never

The Blazers beat the Sonics on Tuesday for their 11th win in a row to cap off a fine Christmas Day. I spent the day with my family in Sandy, Oregon, where they live.

I took notes.

OTHER GAMES

- We are treated to two other games today: Miami v Cleveland, and Phoenix v Lakers. Miami and the Cavs? Really, ABC?

- Cleveland beats the Heat, as expected. My brother asks me where Cleveland is. I say Ohio. I could have said Quebec and his reaction would have been the same.

- Kobe takes over in the fourth quarter as the Lakers beat the Suns. Things aren't looking good for the Suns so far this season.

- If you haven't ever seen Mike D'Antoni freak out at a ref, you haven't lived, my friend.

- Oh... Kobe had 8 turnovers. Hey, if you get double digits in turnovers would it count toward a triple double?

PRE-GAME

- We learn the Blazers will be wearing their red alternate jerseys tonight. Some of the Blazers are also wearing red shoes. I don't know if I like this.

- Stephen A Smith, what do you have to say? "Kevin Durant will be the rookie of the year, there's no doubt about that." Bold prediction.

- The Sonics are starting 6'9" Kurt Thomas at center. Things are bleak when your team's starting center is shorter than your shooting guard.

- Yes! Ric "Rick" Bucher himself is in Portland. He tells us about the story of Brandon Roy telling Zach Randolph to shut up in the locker room last year. I love that story! Meanwhile, Zach Randolph isn't even starting for the worst team in the East. Good move, Isiah.

FIRST QUARTER

- The announcer tells us these are the two youngest teams in the leagues. "Put down your Buck Rogers backpacks, fellas - we got a game to play!" My dad looks confused.

- The Sonics are 0-10 on Christmas Day games. The Blazers are 12-1.

- The Blazers start cold, missing eight of their first ten shots. On their second possession they get 5 offensive rebounds. Did I mention the Sonics start a 6'9" center?

- Martell Webster falls backwards, knocking over the ref. The crowd cheers. If this isn't a reason to get a DVR, I don't know what could be.

- After Blake nails his second shot in a row, the announcer wonders why Portland keeps giving the ball to Blake, who "can't shoot". Man, who is this announcer?

- Seattle's game plan: put 4 defenders on Brandon Roy at all times. It's working so far.

- My dad starts hooking up his favorite gift of the day: a Homedics QuadRoller Massage Chair With Pulsating Effects And Remote Control.

- Announcer: "This game is not about scoring the basketball." Man, I need to know who this guy is!!

- "The Blazers are the Phoenix Suns of the Western Conference." "What does that mean?" my dad asks.

- Sergio comes in late in the quarter and immediately runs circles around the Sonics D. Maybe he'll get to play more than 4 minutes tonight.

- The quarter ends at 24 all. An American Pie movie advert runs during the break. Wait - another American Pie? Hasn't there been like six already? Man, I am so bitter that my generation will be connected with these awful movies, and bands like Green Day and Pearl Jam, just garbage, all of it. I don't even have a stupid joke to insert here.

SECOND QUARTER

- Delonte West skies over Channing Frye for a rebound.

- Ric Bucher tells us that when Rudy Fernandez comes to Portland next season, he and Sergio Rodriguez will be competing for minutes. Umm... they don't play the same position, "Rick".

- The mystery announcer calls Jarrett Jack "not really a point guard shooting guard - more like a 2 guard shooting guard."

- Jack hits a couple shots in a row to give the Blazers a five point lead. I'm starting to like Jack a little bit more now, although I'm getting kind of sick of these "I'm-Unhappy-But-I'm-Not-Going-To-Say-Anything-About-It" interviews he keeps giving.

- Luke Ridnour grabs a rebound from Frye. With one hand. Is Channing Frye the softest player ever to play for Portland? Dare I say, softer than... Derek Anderson??

- Tied at 34. Portland will be breaking this game open shortly. Just wait.

- OK, no more red jerseys at home. It's just too disorienting. Speaking of jerseys, why can't we ever wear retro jerseys? We would have the best retro jerseys in the league! Why does everybody else get to mix things up?

- We have just heard the words "Greg", "Oden", "microfracture", and "surgery" together in the same sentance for the 284,000th time.

- Bucher interviews Oden, who is wearing an incredible red velvet blazer. Bucher is obviously jealous.

- Greg tells us that he "can't run or jump". Great.

- Me and my dad need a break from the action to test out his Magic Boxer Shorts. Right now it's just this small white brick, but you're supposed to put them in water and they magically expand to normal boxer-short size. We call everybody into the bathroom to watch. Nothing happens. Everyone leaves.

- Halftime. Blazers only lead by two. The lead feature at the halftime show? "How Bad Are The Heat?" Yes! I'll stay tuned for that.

THIRD QUARTER

- The identity of the mystery announcer is revealed, and it's... Jon Barry! Man, I used to like Jon Barry when he played for the Kings. I'm bummed. He's teamed tonight with Token Black Play-By-Play Man.

- Jon Barry at his best (and Stephen A Smith at his worst):



- Seattle is outshooting us 45%-37%. My mom points out that it's "not very good".

- The Massage Chair is plugged in and ready to go. Everyone takes turns.

- Roy starts to heat up, extending the lead to six. Jon Barry chimes in. "Portland is the epitome of a streaking team - and I don't mean like Will Ferrell in Old School." Genius. Jon Barry: Renaissance Man.

- A Blake three brings the lead to 13, and an incredible save and three by Roy makes it 66-50. Game over? I say yes.

- The ESPN crew is desperately searching for something to talk about besides the boring game. They show the numbers in the rafters. "So many legends who've played here in the Rose Garden. Bill Walton, Lionel Hollins..."

FOURTH QUARTER

- 70-62 to start the fourth quarter. I'm confident. Seattle looks terrible. The Blazers have no starters in, as usual. So much for Nate's desired 8-man rotation.

- Sergio misses a 5-footer by 3 feet. Hmmm.

- Travis Outlaw is all over the place, grabbing rebounds and blocking shots and being awesome. "Look at Bo Outlaw, grabbing the rebound in traffic!" You knew it was coming.

- Seattle's primary offensive play: Give ball to Kevin Durant. Shoot ball.

- Seattle's secondary offensive play: Give ball to Wally Szczerbiak. Shoot ball.

- Earl Watson throws the ball at Przybilla after a hard foul. Don't worry, Joel. He's just mad he looks like a troll doll.

- Mom calls Durant's shoes "fancy".

- Another win for the Blazers. 89-79. Token Black Play-By-Play Man predicts a 16-game winning streak. I can't disagree with him.

TJH

Thoughts on 11

So, after watching the Blazers beat the Nuggets from the 300 level, and then watching them beat the Sonics tonight to push our streak to 11 in a row, I find myself EXPECTING wins now. And you know what, I'm happy about that.

Not as happy as I was to see the big godzilla, or whatever they call our token starter Joe P, grab 14 boards tonight, but happy like I just won two dollars on a lottery ticket that I got in my stocking this morning.

After 11 in a row, and this last one coming on a horrible offensive game for the Blazers, everyone in the league has to admit they are for real. And did you see Brandon Roy's dunk tonight? Yikes! Who knew he could jump like that.

There are so many things about this Blazer squad that I like, but I think the biggest one is that they are doing all this without Greg Oden. I like it for the player's sake. They had to hear all summer and during the beginning of the season that the season was done, and maybe I contributed to that a little, but to see these guys come out and play like they are, with PRIDE and HEART, makes me respect every guy who steps on that floor, even if Sergio got a bobble head for basically being white and throwing no-look passes.

Brandon Roy is sick. If he can stay healthy he is a legitimate All-Star right now. And even though I won't go as far as Bill Walton did today and say he is third in the MVP race, I will admit that he has a legit shot (if he continues to elevate his game as he has) of contending for one in the future.

I can't wait for Friday! When was the last time you planned your weekend around the Blazers TY? Besides when you were getting paid to?! Holy hell! Blazer Mania is back!

KT

Happy Xmas

We've been swamped down at the Rip City Forever offices lately, so forgive us, loyal readers, for slacking on the updates.

See, the Blazers really aren't giving me many reasons to complain, which pretty much is the fuel for my writing fire. They're doing everything perfectly. All of a sudden they're a smart, complete, clutch, great team.

Portland's getting major pub lately. Check out Pritchard on PTI:



Marc Stein has us at 7th in the entire league.

I read this today: "Pink is the new black. Rehab is the new yoga. And the Blazers are the new Warriors." Well, first of all, I thought black was the new black. And second of all, the Warriors are inconsistent and are loaded with players who desperately want out. But maybe they meant we were capable of making it to the second round of the playoffs...

Happy Christmas to you and yours. I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.' Also, I urge you to conveniently ignore my outright plagiarism of Vonnegut.

So it goes.

TJH

All Stars

Here's my pick's Ty, read 'em and weep...

Easter Starters:

Guards: Jason Kidd, Lebron James --

Jason Kidd is almost averaging a triple-double. Without him their 10-15 record plummets to 2-23! I don't know if I can remember a guy who shoots as bad as Kidd but can still dominate the whole game. I know you have James as a forward, but I am putting him here so that I can squeeze everyone in that I think deserves to start. But do I really have to say anything about why Lebron should start? No. Why not Redd here? Because he is on a losing, underachieving team, and he still does little else beside shoot. Which is why...

Forwards: Caron Butler, Kevin Garnett --

Tough Juice has led the Arena-less Wiz to a 13-10 record. He does it all every night. I never thought he would be this good when he left UConn, but he is. I would much rather see him start than some shooter like Redd, because like Garnett and Lebron and Kidd, he is the reason they win. Not to mention his numbers (22, 7, 4 and 2 steals a game). And then there's Garnett. He is unreal. His defense and energy and and consistency has led Boston to a 20-3 record. I also would mention Paul Pierce here at 20/5/5 he is having a great year on a great team. I value that way more than a guy like Richard Jefferson who is having a great fantasy year for a losing team.

Center: Dwight Howard

He is DOMINANT. The best center in the league, already getting MVP chatter buzzing around him, and he' like 16. All of a sudden he can score in bunches as well as rebound and block, and all of a sudden all the teams that passed up on him are looking to fire whoever made that decision in the war room on draft day!

Other Notables: Jamal Tinsley (15/8/4/2 steals) on the surprise Pacers.

Western Starters:

Guards: Steve Nash, Kobe --

You have to have these guys here. But here's who I really would want: Chris Paul, Baron Davis, and Allen Iverson. I love all three of these guys games, and they all run their respective teams. Paul needs to get out of his Rookie Contract quick and go play for someone else who actually have fans and a TV Market so that everyone can see how good he is. I think I have seen him play like twice. And that was in college.

Baron Davis is an absolute beast, he still gets a nod from me just for Dunking all over Dirk last year and breaking that guy's spirit. Dirk went Down Under to see if he could forget about it all this summer, and still can't get it out of his head!

And Iverson is killing again for the Division leading Nuggets.

Forwards: Carlose Boozer, Carmelo Anthony

Boozer is surprisingly good, and has a great 5-o'clock shadow thing going on all the time, and Carmelo has picked up the other parts of his game (5.5/4). And you know that whenever Carmelo gets in a situation where he is playing with the best of the best, he shines, I want to see him drop 40 in the All-Star game.

Also getting consideration here: Josh Howard and Al Jefferson. Check out Jefferson's numbers, you won't believe them, but then again, he plays for the T'Wolves...

Center: Tim Duncan

I think Yao is a waste of 8 ft, so I am putting Duncan here. I think he might be listed as a Center on this years ballot anyway. Duncan is the leader of one of the best teams in the league, and Yao is just tall.

Other Notables: Kevin Martin, and Brandon Roy is making a big push to be included in this conversation.

RVP!

The rain. The green trees. The clouds. The ensuing depression because of the constant gloom that hangs over Portland in the winter like the aura of the dead-end Blazers...what's that? Nine in a row? Couldn't be!

I am back on the West Coast. Back in Portland for a few weeks, and I don't think I could've picked a better time. Brandon Roy is playing out of his mind! The dude played with the flu last night because he didn't want to break the momentum! And if the Nuggets lose tonight, we'll be playing for the division lead! Granted, our division is much like the NFC West in the NFL, about as strong as Keon Clark, but hey, it's still a division in the NBA!

The streak is improbable, and what makes it even better is I actually have friends who don't live in Portland who think the Blazers are good! Brandon Roy for MVP. Believe it. Steve Patterson said their are probably only ten people playing at his level right now in the NBA, I say 11, I saw MJ hitting fadeaways at the Bobcats practice and still think he can put up 20 a game.

I can't wait to see a game, and see what really happens on the court instead of just reading about it. I hope Roy dunks from the free-throw line. He can do that right? If he can lead this team to 9 in a row, I would believe it.

Break up the Blazers!

Nash Rambler

Futurama is one of my favorite TV shows. In Futurama, which takes place in the year 3000, globalization has experienced a crescendo of sorts, which at some point led to the abolition of nations. Earth is represented in universal institutions and interest groups as a single entity, a sometimes unwilling member of the Democratic Order of Planets. Its figurehead is the President, who, during the show's timeframe, is none other than Richard Nixon's Head.

Now, those of us who have toiled through the rigors of academia for most of our lives have learned two things:

1. The above scenario WILL happen.

2. You should refer to anything related to school as "academia" because it makes you sound more intelligent and it masks the fact that you have gained more knowledge and learned more about things that actually matter from reading random Wikipedia articles on your lunch breaks.

So, I mentioned a few days ago that I would vote for Steve Nash as President of Earth. I wrote this partly in jest, but then thought... is there anybody you could think of that would be a better choice?

Answer: No. Steve Nash would be a great president. Here's my analysis.

Issue 1: NAME. The most important quality of a politician these days is "stance on issues" or something. It shouldn't be. A cool name is much more important. Therefore, I want my President's name to sound like a superhero's or a movie villain's. Like Lance Armstrong. Or Pussy Galore. Or Max Power. Or Steve Nash.

Issue 2: LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE. Steve Nash is the leader of the Phoenix Suns. You might say it's Mike D'Antoni, but you'd be wrong. D'Antoni, their coach, runs everything by Nash before bringing it to the group, or even the assistant coaches. So, Nash essentially runs one of the most successful sports franchises in the country. Also, he's the captain of the Canadian national team, which merits mentioning, even though that's like me putting a 1989 coloring contest win on my resume.

INTERESTING NOTE: I admit, I was once admonished and almost suspended in high school for making a "xenophobic" remark about Canadians in a newspaper article. This wasn't because I didn't like Canadians; in fact, I would categorize them as "awesome" at everything but "not being awesome". But I still find it fascinating how if you make a joke regarding Canadians or the French, most everybody laughs and thinks it's great. Yay, overt nationalism! Also, Yay for having to explain your jokes all the time!

Issue 3: WORLDLINESS. Steve Nash was born in South Africa to a Welsh mom and an English dad. He moved to Canada and went to college in the United States. He married a Paraguayan. He has spent time in Uganda, Central America, and China. Meanwhile, I have a friend who has a friend who's from Montana.

Issue 4: BALLS. Nash wasn't afraid to speak out against the Iraq War from the get-go, when most Americans thought there was a valid reason why we needed to go and kill a bunch of innocent people. He made a custom T-shirt saying "NO WAR - Shoot Baskets Not People", and wore it around to spread the word of peace and to piss off David Robinson and everybody who puts the stupid ribbon stickers on their minivans. That alone gets my vote right there. Also, Nash isn't afraid to stand up to the evil organization that is the San Antonio Spurs, who have traveled the country terrorizing basketball fans with their boring and cheap style of play.

I think this is a very important quality that is often overlooked by us voters. If you're running my country, or my planet, you'd better have some serious balls. But look at these pathetic candidates:

Hillary Clinton. No balls. Obviously.
Barack Obama. No balls.
Ron Paul. Balls, but withered and useless.

Issue 5: MAN FACTOR. Steve Nash has a quality that few people have: the quality of having an exotic wife and being better than everybody else at everything, yet not being hated by other men because of it. I'll call it the Man Factor. Of course, some might choose to combine the Balls Factor with the Man Factor, and that's fine too.

In the end, Steve Nash is an everyman worthy of your vote for leader of our planet. An everyman, yes - but do you seriously think this guy could handle the pressure?



Of course.

TJH

Analysis Schmanalysis

Blazers won again. Ho hum. We played like crap until the fourth quarter and then tore apart our opponents with the ferocity of Greg Ostertag going after a particularly stubborn booger.

NOTE: This joke is funny because it's true. Greg Ostertag picks his nose. Everyone knows this.

There are three stages a supporter now endures during the course of a Blazer game.

STAGE ONE: "Yes! We're looking sharp!"
- This stage entails an effective first quarter with one player unexpectantly hitting double digits in points. The supporter is riding high, confident that we will extend the winning streak. The first quarter usually ends with the Blazers leading, and more beer is ordered.

STAGE TWO: "Well, we had to lose sometime."
- The middle stage involves the Blazers losing the lead by way of silly unforced turnovers and poor shot selection. After seeing Jarrett Jack step out of bounds for the 16th straight game, the supporter assumes that the old Blazer ways are back, and the winning streak will end.

STAGE THREE: "I knew it all along!"
- The Blazers pick it up in the last stage, pulling away with something like a 17-5 run to win again. The supporter exclaims to a friend, "The thing is, I never gave up hope!"

Tonight we played the Raptors, and the Raptors played one of their best games of the season, and we played one of our worst, and we still won. That's why this streak is so amazing. We have been missing players, we have been playing against some of the league's best teams, and at times we've looked incredibly inept. But for some reason, overnight it seems, we've gained this steely fourth quarter clutch play and clutch decision-making. Why? How? Who knows? Who cares, for that matter? People need something to write about in the papers, I guess.

The best thing to do is just sit back and enjoy it, and be glad that you support such a likeable, hardworking team, a team who have taken the underdog role and pissed on its driver's side door for two weeks straight.

We are now officially in playoff position. Wait - isn't this exactly what I predicted? Hey, yeah! What do you know!

TJH

More of the Same

We woke up today the supporters of a winning basketball team.

Ace!

This could not have come at a better time. It's my favorite time of the year anyway, as spirits are high, the air is biting, school is out... and the Blazers are winning. Why?

- Different players stepping up. On Sunday, it was Channing Frye, who had 14 points in the first 8 minutes of the game. Yesterday, it was Raef LaFrentz (!), grabbing 11 rebounds (!!).

- Defense. My friend Seth watches way more basketball than I'm able to, and he says the Blazers take the most charges in the league. By far. I believe him. Joel Przybilla is getting his ass kicked every single night. That's right. Ass. Speaking of Przybilla, I read that opposing teams shoot 6% less when he's in the game. Even Frye, who usually is softer than Derek Anderson, was taking charges yesterday.

- Brandon Roy. Western Conference Player of the Week for the second straight week. Can he make it three?

Probably. If we keep winning. We're already getting respect from national newsmedia and their respective "pundits", including Mark Stein, who has us ranked tenth in his power rankings. Tenth! That's top ten. Big time stuff.

I'm telling you - we can absolutely get the win streak to thirteen. Just wait.

NORTHWEST DIVISION
1. Denver. 14-10.
2. Utah. 14-12. 1 GB.
3. Portland. 13-12. 1.5 GB.

TJH

Starting Fives

Time to pick All-Stars! Granted, it's early, as we're only six weeks into the season. Alot can change in the two months we have until All-Star Weekend. Nevertheless, here are my votes for the starters.

WEST

Guards: Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash

- The easiest position to decide. No-brainers. Steve Nash, my absolute favorite player, is showing no signs of slowing down, and Kobe, although his numbers are down slightly, is still the best basketball player on the planet. It's unfortunate that Nash probably won't get the starting nod, as Tracy McGrady is leading by almost 100,000 votes. McGrady's numbers are down this year, but most importantly, his team is not doing very well. Plus, I always want a true point guard in my starting five for any team, regardless of numbers. So, Nash gets my starter vote, as well as my vote for President of Earth.

Forwards: Carmelo Anthony, Josh Howard

- Almost as easy to decide, although Howard will surely not start. He deserves it though. The likely starters will be Nowitzki and Duncan, which is a shame, because both are undeserving. Howard has played better and has proved more important to his team's success than teammate Nowitzki, who's had a subpar first few weeks. And Duncan? Nothing would make me happier to see him miss out on a starting spot, after he threw a hissy fit about being miscategorized on the all-star ballot. See, he was originally listed as a center (a position that he usually plays). A big deal, apparently, because Yao Ming is a center, and he was worried that he'd lose out to Yao. So Duncan, along with his wife, complained to anybody that he could find that it was unfair, that he should be listed as a forward, because he would have a better chance at starting. And what did the league do? They changed his listing to a forward! What a joke. What a joke of a player, a joke of a role model, and a joke of a human being.

Center: Marcus Camby

I give Camby the nod over Yao and Amare Stoudamire because of his defense, which incredibly seems to be improving at age 33. I'm not a big stats guy, but Camby's averaging almost 3.5 blocks and 15 rebounds a game. 15 rebounds?!? That's almost Dwight Howard level. Camby does the dirty work, and not enough of these types of players get the credit they deserve. Yao is still soft and slow, although he's still improving, and Amare needs to average more than 8 boards a game. That's pretty weak.

EAST

Guards: Michael Redd, Chauncey Billups

This group's tough. Jason Kidd shouldn't start because his team sucks. Dwyane Wade was hurt for the first part of the year, so he can't be considered yet. Ray Allen's been pretty good, but not better than somebody like Michael Redd, who's top-ten in league scoring and whose team is in playoff position (barely). Not saying much, especially in the East, but still. So Redd is in. Who's running the point? Arenas is out, Ford has been decent but he's hurt now, and Hinrich's Bulls are underacheiving. Meanwhile, in Detroit, they've silently amassed the league's third best record, with Billups leading the team in scoring, dimes, steals, and facial hair consistency.

Forwards: LeBron James, Kevin Garnett

Duh. Both players are having amazing years, and should be 1-2 in the MVP race. Actually, has there ever been a player more important to the team's success than this year's version of LeBron? Without James, they would probably be the worst team in the league. They're terrible. Worse than Minnesota. At least the Wolves beat Phoenix the other night. Without LeBron, the Cavs would be hard pressed to beat Hickory High.

Center: Dwight Howard

Duh again. If Howard learns how to shoot from beyond three feet, he could become one of the best players ever. He's amazing. I read somewhere that like 54% of his made field goals are dunks. Over half?? If that's the case, who needs to shoot?

Your votes, Kevin?

TJH

Six in a Row

I figure that I should post something about the Blazers' current win streak, lest it be said that I am some kind of negative opportunist, thriving on losses, turmoil, and bad haircuts. In a way, that's true.

But I've nothing to complain about.

Let me be the first to say that:

- IF we beat Denver (no small feat),

- IF Aldridge comes back at full strength,

- IF James Jones stays on fire, and

- IF Travis Outlaw keeps playing like a 4-year vet...

...we are poised to win 13 games in a row.

Look at the schedule. After Sunday, six straight home games, facing the likes of the Sixers, Sonics, Wolves, and Raptors. At the very least, we should end the upcoming homestand with a winning record, something that many supporters, including myself, already had counted out.

You never know with this team. It doesn't matter what year it is, or who's even on the team, you never know what team will show up. Sure, Randolph's gone, but for at the end of November, we were still playing the type of dumb basketball that typifies Z-Bo's game. Then we lose Aldridge for a bit... and we keep winning? I'll take it, for sure. But wouldn't it be nice to have a team with some semblance of consistency?

I think so, for a change. Even now, after six wins, I have no idea what team will show up in Denver on Sunday. No idea. They could lose by 30 and I wouldn't be surprised. Disappointed? Sure. Disgusted? Possibly. Flippant? Like always. But surprised? No. Portland will have a good chance, actually, as Denver will be coming off a likely defeat by the Spurs tonight. And after that, who knows?

IF Portland wins tomorrow, they'll be on pace for 41 wins, our best record in four seasons. When Portland won their only championship, they finished the regular season with 49 wins. IF today's team keeps playing like this, they'll surely end up pretty close to fifty. The future might be now.

If this isn't nice, what is?

TJH

Smokes a little

I feel like an absent father with this blog. Not paying child support as the child grows up, just watching from afar, waiting for the time when it eventually grows up and makes millions, picking just then to re-enter the child's life. I won't wait that long.

Moving across the country is a big deal apparently. It takes up a lot of mental space. Also, Craigslist has become a second home for me as I try and buy a car in Oregon while still living in DC. So much fun to be had. My favorite ad so far: "Car runs great! Just smokes when you turn the car on." Really? Sold!

Anyway. How 'bout them Blazers?Brandon Roy is legit. And Outlaw is making a run for 6th man of the year right now in the last few games. I'm excited to see them play when I'm back in town. Hopefully I'll get to see Joel P make another start and pour in an impressive 4 rebound, 4 turnover, 0 point game! Why does he start again? Can someone fill me in? We should package him with every point guard on our team and the rights to that Freelander kid and get Jason Kidd. Couldn't happen. Would be terrible for both teams. But really. Let's do something with Joel.

8-12 ain't bad. It's kinda like those cars I am looking at. Runs pretty well, but smokes a little and needs a tuneup. It's better than being a Bulls fan right now though. Phew!

KT

Zen Master

Considering the drama and general malaise that surrounded the Lakers this offseason, Phil Jackson has done an incredible job with the team thus far. Jackson, owner of nine championship rings, is a great leader - but he's been lucky. He never had to coach a team that had less than two superstars until Shaq got traded to the Heat. Since then, he's gotten the most out of his relatively limited teams, making the playoffs every year since. Also, he's sleeping with the owner's daughter. Check mate!

Jackson's an interesting guy. He uses tactics that are generally perceived as over-the-top but effective. He gives out motivational books to his players. He calls players out in interviews and minces no words in his criticism of his opponents and the league's bureaucratic bullcrap. He wears his championship rings in public to either inspire his players or to just piss everybody off. During games he tries to intimidate referees by stacking pillows on top of his chair to make himself seem even taller than he really is. But most importantly, he is usually able to find a way for players to buy into the team concept that is so important in basketball. Players will succeed if they understand and accept their roles on the team. Simple in theory, but managing egos and player salary concerns and everything else that is usually prevalent on an NBA team is no easy task. That's why Phil Jackson would be near the top of my "People I Would Like To Have A Beer With" list, nudging elbows with the likes of Wayne Rooney, Noel Gallagher, this guy, Dave Barry, That Girl At Work, Dennis Kucinich, Silvio Dante, Flea, and The Guy Who Played Marty's Dad In Back To The Future.


All this talk of Phil Jackson reminds me - I have a good Phil Jackson story which I can relate and reflect on in a personal manner! OK, so when I was in high school I had this image of Jackson as this mad genius who possessed this extraordinary amount of basketball knowledge that surpasses any amount of knowledge anybody in the world had about anything. For example, I couldn't imagine him just sitting down with his buddies, relaxing and enjoying a basketball game. He was a diamond in the rough - a veritable basketball shaman, saliently spewing mysticism wrapped in hoops theory. I would have bet that he chuckled to himself when he thought of people like me and my friends, getting together in front of the television, hooting and hollering like idiots. How quaint, he would think to himself, as he dined on his macrobiotic food, enjoying the dinner entertainment of Laotian acrobatics that his hippie commune so graciously provided.

One day, I found myself in the Lakers locker room, fifteen minutes before gametime. The players had just filed out toward the court, on their way to the mandatory layup drill that precedes every NBA game. Jackson and his assistants were in the locker room, watching highlights on NBA TV. They were all eating popcorn, as the most readily available item in the whole building was popcorn. It was everywhere. I'd open up my backpack after I'd get home after a game and it would always be filled with popcorn somehow. And popcorn's one of those things that's hard to turn down, so I'd eat some, ostensibly judging its freshness, and then eat some more before giving the rest to the dog.

Anyways, they were watching highlights of games around the league, and I was walking around, trying to get as close to the coaches as possible by pretending to pick up laundry strewn about the room. I wanted to listen to what they were talking about, as these were the brightest basketball minds in the business. Maybe I could gather a deeper understanding of the game, or maybe they would talk to me and ask me about my little life here in the Pacific Northwest. Who knows. One of the assistants got up and went in the training room for some reason. The rest of them were sitting around watching, when something happened that made everybody stand up immediately. The coaches were voicing their approval by way of loud grunts and screeches. I heard Jackson over everybody: "Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!"

"Frank!" he yelled at Frank Hamblen, the assistant who left the room. "Frank! Did you see that dunk!??"

"No!"

"Get back here! Oh, what a jam!" Wow, Phil was excited! They were all standing around the television, waiting for the replay. It came, and everybody started yelling again, myself included. Phil was smiling as everybody continued to stand. He looked at me and we smiled at each other. What a play!

And I thought to myself, what an ordinary thing to do! He had this reputation of being this weirdo, but when it came down to it, he wasn't above the primal instinct of man to be impressed by a powerful slam dunk. It's very basic, very elemental. My opinion of him immediately skyrocketed. And maybe, in a way, that's why he's so successful. Maybe he embraces the simplicity and beauty of the game. Maybe he doesn't make the game more complicated than it needs to be. Phil Jackson's not a genius when it comes to X's and O's. He's a player coach. He gets his players to embrace his unique system, which actually isn't even his. Coaches who are overly detail-oriented usually get too technical and don't acheive much success in the NBA. Look at guys like Dwayne Casey, Jeff Van Gundy, Allan Bristow, and Mike Schuler. These guys are basketball geniuses, man, but they couldn't relate to players. They couldn't get their message across, or they couldn't present it in a way that was conducive to winning at the professional level. And they all got fired, most of them multiple times.

Phil, if you're reading this, keep in mind that I still don't like you, because you coach the Lakers. I have allegiances that prevent me from supporting you in any way. But when you guys come up to Portland, drop me a line and we can get that beer.

If you buy.

TJH

Blazers (insert your choice of witty pun here) the Heat. (and note the pretentious use of parentheses in the title)

Great win tonight. It's maybe the first time I would label Travis Outlaw's performance "impressive". At last!

The Heat are irrelevant, and the Grizzlies are the Grizzlies, but still a great way to start a very important stretch of games. Nine of the next 11 games are at home. We might be able to get back into the playoff hunt if we put a good run together. Zounds!

Hopefully I'll be able to actually go to a Blazer game during the winter break. I can't wait to soak in the New Rose Garden Experience, which, I'm assuming, is centered around higher food and beverage prices. Ace!

New Profiles in Blazermania coming up this month, as well as the long-awaited return of one Kevin Thomas to the west coast.

Stay tuned.



TJH

Progress Report

Some thoughts on the Blazers' first month of the season...

THREE ACTS

Like every year, we have a team that is completely unpredictable, able to compete with the best teams in the league, and equally capable of losing 25-point leads to pathetic teams like the 76ers. And like every year, the Blazers play well in spurts, leading you to entertain notions of playoff basketball and overall stability on the floor. We're able to divide the season into three parts so far:

ACT I:

30th October through 3rd November. Road games v San Antonio, New Orleans, and Houston.

Record = 0-3.

We started the season with a brutal road trip, but the season started relatively well, as we were almost able to steal a win on the Spurs' homecourt. But the two lackluster efforts that followed brought fans down to earth. We were competitive, but that doesn't matter. We were 0-3, and, of course, close only counts in horseshoes, hand grenades, and when you pay to see a great band play a concert, but you have to sit through an awful opening band, and fifty brutal minutes into their set you decide to take off your shoe and throw it at the lead singer, and it misses, but it hits the guitar player instead. Wait - maybe that would fall under "killing two birds with one stone"...? Or "what's good for the goose is good for the gander"...?

ACT II:

7th November through 13th November. Home games v New Orleans, Memphis, Dallas and Detroit.

Record = 4-0.
Record for season = 4-3.

It seems like just yesterday. The Blazers had a winning record at one point during this season, and I think they might have even been on top of the division for like 2 hours. But what a stretch of games! Against quality opponents like Detroit and Dallas. And to think we could win games like these without our injury-plagued, unproven rookie... wow.

At this point, the playoffs seemed like a near certainty. We weren't even playing that well - we were outhustling and outworking teams, and that's why we were winning. We weren't shooting well, we were turning the ball over, we were making stupid mistakes... and we were winning. "Just wait until we start playing good", I would tell my friends. "Just wait..."

ACT III:

14th November through 30th November. Road games v Denver, Philadelphia, Washington, Charlotte and Dallas. Home games v New Jersey, Sacramento, Orlando and Indiana.

Record = 1-8.
Record for season = 5-11

What happened? The loss to Denver was understandable (end of a back-to-back, adjusting to the altitude). It was the Philly game that changed things. Portland was up by 25 against the 76ers, and we blew it. Why? We didn't care. Nobody would box out, nobody would play defense, and they couldn't get past Philly's full-court press without turning the ball over, which shouldn't be a problem for a professional basketball team. After that game, instead of using it as motivation to right the ship, we sank lower, and watching the team blow leads in basically every game since then has been as much fun to watch as a Will and Grace marathon. We crumbled under pressure, which of course begs the question: You mean you expected anything else from a Portland team? Games like this gives credence to the many people in Portland who have lost all faith in the Blazers. And of course, I look like an idiot for pretending that this franchise isn't cursed to the bowels of mediocrity.

Okay, we're not cursed. I won't admit that until we can't figure out what's wrong. See, we know what's wrong...

COACHING: They preached before the season that we were going to run, and then they didn't. They preached the benefits of a consistent lineup and sensible substitution patterns, and then they threatened major changes. The players are worried that they will be sent to the bench every time they make a mistake, which pretty much happens with everybody except Travis Outlaw and Jarrett Jack. They preach developing young players and they (Sarge) won't give Sergio Rodriguez his fair share of time. In fact, I would argue that this mistake is perhaps McMillan's most grevious, as not only does Sergio have a great haircut, he has proven that he can thrive when given the responsibility of more minutes. Simply put, McMillan is an unfair coach who plays favorites. He likes Jack and Outlaw as people, and that's why they're getting so much playing time, especially fourth quarter minutes. There's no other rational explanation.

CONSISTENCY: Self-proclaimed buffet-of-goodness Channing Frye started the season poised to make noise. This was a great situation for him, and it got even better when Oden went down. There was no doubt he'd see extensive playing time. Now? He's backing up Raef LaFrentz. Frye has by far been the biggest disappointment of the season. To be honest, I hadn't seen Frye play that much before he became a Blazer. Seriously, how many Knick games is a Portlander without League Pass able to watch? But he's the prototypical soft European player, minus the European part.

NOTE: Actually, I would posit that the soft-European stereotype is about as accurate these days as the British-people-have-bad-teeth and the French-people-are-rude stereotypes. I swear, next time you hear an American talk badly about the French, ask them if they've ever once met a French person or been to France. "No," they'll say. "But I've heard stories".

Besides Frye, though, there has been an overall lack of consistency with pretty much everybody on the team. For instance, Travis Outlaw won a game at the buzzer the other night. Will that happen ever again in his career? I doubt it. He's a nervous wreck on the court, constantly dribbling the ball off his feet and chucking up 20-foot fadeaways from the corner with a hand in his face. Roy and Webster have been getting open shots and haven't been hitting. Aldridge is too passive defensively. Blake can't, or won't, use his speed to create opportunities, as it seems he settles for safe passes over efficient passes. There's quite a difference.

CLUTCH PLAY: If the Blazers want to get back to .500, they need to start picking it up in the fourth quarter. The first few games of the season had Portland falling behind in the early going, forcing them to play catch up all throughout the second half. Now? They can't finish. Typical Blazers - the fourth quarter comes, and they choke.

That's how it's always been, and that's still how it is. And it pains me to say it, but it's gonna take alot more than filling the team with upstanding citizens and best intentions to turn around the stigma that still hangs over this team and this town. Watching the Blazers in the fourth quarter is like watching Letterman struggle through a bad interview with somebody like Freddie Prinze Jr, where it's completely obvious he's not into it and just going through the motions, making the required number of jokes and feigning the required amount of interest, doing whatever he needs to do to make it to the weekend, when he'll go fishing with his son. That's why I love Letterman, and, oddly enough, that's why I love the Trail Blazers. Remember, the relationship I have with this team has been the most taxing, stressful, wonderful, chaotic, quixotic, and poignant relationship I've ever had with anybody or anything. That's either depressing and pathetic or innocent and beautiful.

I'll take the former.

TJH

A November to Remember

Despite the Blazers' struggles, it's been a great month of basketball. So, for no particular reason, here are the ten biggest NBA stories of November, categorized by some of my favorite Radiohead lyrics from their new album, "In Rainbows". For I am nothing if not a pretentious music snob. To wit:

"You used to be alright. What happened?"



The Chicago Bulls started the season as favorites by many to win the East. Kevin had them pegged as fourth - I predicted third. They had a strong young core coming off an impressive season. They had a couple key guys playing for contract extensions, always a good indicator of high productivity. So... what happened?

First of all, contract disputes. Ben Gordon and Luol Deng turned down huge contract extensions at the beginning of the season, and promptly started clanging shots. Lots of em. Meanwhile, the Kobe drama brought tension and stress to the team, and players might finally be sick and tired of Scott Skiles' hissy fits. Who knows. What we know is that the Bulls, amazingly have the worst team in the East, and John Hollinger says they're on track to be the worst offensive team EVER.

Hey, fine by me. The Bulls won six of eight championships in my formative basketball years, for God's sake. I'd be fine with them never winning another game for the rest of my life.


"Has the light gone out for you? Because the light's gone out for me."



It's hard to believe that just two seasons ago, Shaq was the midseason front-runner for MVP. Now? Dwyane "Dwayne" Wade and Pat Riley have already called him out, and he's even admitted himself that he's looking a bit like Oliver Miller these days. It's understandable that he hasn't been himself, though, considering his age and his recent divorce. But meanwhile, Wade is rumored to want out soon, and as we all know, Pat Riley is a senile old git.

Of course, it's still too early to count out a run at the playoffs, but Miami's fall from grace is already one of the league's all-time disgraces, and the 2006 Finals will prove to be one of the biggest flukes in basketball history. My friend Lance is a Heat supporter, for whatever reason, and it's funny how they stick by keywords like "experienced" and "battle-tested" when they're confronted with the reality of the sad state of affairs that is Heat basketball. Nevertheless, if you would have told me in June of 2006 that the Bulls and Heat would be at the bottom of the East in only a year and a half, I would have laughed derisively and tried to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend.


"Now that you've found it, it's gone."



The New Orleans Hornets (!) raced out to the early lead in the Southwest Division, to the surprise of everybody, including the 54 Hornets supporters left in the Big Easy. Chris Paul is a nightly triple double threat, Tyson Chandler is proving his worth and making the Bulls regret giving him away, and Peja hit TEN THREE POINTERS IN A GAME. They eventually cooled, but they're still only 2.5 games behind the Spurs, and most certainly will make the playoffs, forcing me to eat my words.

Considering the lack of support they're getting from their hometown, their play has been even more impressive (apart from the loss to the lowly Trail Blazers). They can't stay in New Orleans for very long, and it will be fun to see how long the league pretends that the situation is teneble for a professional basketball franchise. My guess is two years. By then, however, Chris Paul and David West will likely be gone, Peja will be broken down, and Byron Scott could possibly appear haggard. Now that's something I would pay for.


"I'd be crazy not to follow, follow where you lead."



The Orlando Magic paid over $120 million for Rashard Lewis in the offseason, eliciting guffaws by people like me who have a realistic grasp of finances and common sense. Of course, he's overpaid - it doesn't matter what he does on the floor. But sometimes you have to overpay in the NBA, and so far the decision has proven to be the right one. Everyone is clicking right now - hell, even Adonal Foyle is playing well. The tandem of Lewis and Dwight Howard, who is averaging like 44 rebounds a game, mixes well with Jameer Nelson and the dynamic Hedo Turkoglu, who's in the perfect situation right now. Also, he's locked up for three more years, so there's no chance that he'll be demanding more money anytime soon. On second thought, I guess there always is that chance. But it's a small one.

Additionally, don't you think Stan Van Gundy is enjoying life right now, cackling like a maniac after every pathetic Heat loss? Me too.


"I'm the next act, waiting in the wings."



It's been interesting to read all these rookie rankings that the "experts" have been publishing. They all try to outdo each other by putting a different rookie ahead of Kevin Durant, who is always listed as the #2 rookie in the league. Since it was obvious Durant would win the rookie of the year award even before draft day, writers try to be edgy by going against the grain.

Well, Durant will win the award, and he's been the best rookie so far. His shooting percentage is pretty low, and his defense has been suspect, but come on. He's in the top 20 in scoring, and he's playing in a system that is completely foreign to him, out of position, in a league that he's played a grand total of 17 games in. Meanwhile, Seattle has been losing games, but they've been competitive. Yi has been average, Navarro has been surprising, but Durant's the guy. Too bad we passed on him.


"We thought you had it in you, but no!"



Dirk Nowitzki, unfortunately, and perhaps unfairly, seems destined to a reputation as an incapable leader, and somebody who couldn't come through when it mattered most. This season, Dallas has been decent, but they're nowhere near last year's clip. I was thinking they'd storm out of the gate with a ten-game winning streak or something, but they're middle of the pack in the West, and could be headed for a second-straight first round exit.

Dirk has been unimpressive thus far. He was a nonfactor in both games against Portland, and this year he isn't even the most valuable player on his own team. Of course, we're splitting hairs here, as it's early in the season and their eyes are surely on the postseason, even at this point. But if they want to get back to the Finals, Dirk has to step it up. Maybe he should stop staying out so late...




"You are not to blame."



Kobe Bryant's trade demands during the summer gave us months of drama and speculation of where he would be playing this season. It was a big deal - Kobe's the best player in the world right now, and he wants out of LA? Damn! That's huge!

He started the season playing lethargic, uninspired ball, and he was obviously displeased at the Lakers failure to land a trade - and the Lakers started winning. And they kept winning, and the trade rumors basically disappeared, and you wonder... are the Lakers actually good?

Looks like it. Bryant's still lagging behind his incredibly high standard, but the Lakers are seemingly filled with decent role players that could conceivably get the Lakers back into the winners circle within a few years. Radmanovich's shots are falling, Derek Fisher is happy to be out of Salt Lake City, Bynum is slowly improving, and they just landed Trevor Ariza from Orlando. Granted, Kobe still wants out, as evidenced by his constant "I-can't-believe-I-have-to-play-with-these-losers" glances to the coaching staff. My bet is that Kobe stays, and the Lakers finally make a big trade... in July of 2008.


"Fall off the table, get swept under. Denial, denial."



Isiah Thomas isn't worried. He was "unconcerned" at Stephon Marbury's desertion earlier in the month, and was incredibly nonplussed after the Knicks suffered a 104-59 drubbing by the Celtics. "We take two steps forward and one step back", he said. Umm... what??

How bad are the Knicks? It's hard to say. That would be like trying to quantify how much John Mayer sucks. Impossible. At any rate, Thomas will be fired, and the longer this circus continues, the better for us, because we all like a good freak show, and because no matter what happens with our teams, we can always say to each other, "Well, at least we're not the Knicks". The Knicks are already out of contention this season, are stuck with a number of incredibly bad contracts, and they're not even close to the tunnel to see if there's any light at the end of it. But really, this isn't surprising to anybody who follows basketball, because this was the most predictable story of the year.


"No longer wound up like a spring."



Kevin Garnett is happy. He's on a great team, in a great city, and they're winning. In fact, they're probably the best team in the league, even after a couple of losses in a row. Garnett, the ultimate competitor, was stuck in Minnesota for years, silently brooding and fuming that his loyalty to the Timberwolves was repaid with a commitment to mediocrity. He was pissed off. He wanted to win, and he wanted to show that he could win.

Now? There's no way Boston isn't getting to the Finals, barring injury. No way. And secretly, I hope that the Spurs make it through in the West, so we can finally get a solid answer to the Duncan v Garnett argument. Wouldn't it be nice to see Duncan get dominated and embarrassed on a national stage by a superior player with an axe to grind?

One more thing here. My vote for luckiest guy in the league? Doc Rivers. He was inches away from being fired last year, and now he's pretty much guaranteed that job for at least three more years. Garnett likes him, and Danny Ainge knows better than to make KG mad.


"Out of control - on videotape."

This is the best flop I've seen in years. Baron Davis, you are the man.



TJH