Mormon Tabernacle Cryer

You can look at Andrei Kirilenko's situation in two ways: one, he could just be a big baby who complains when he's not the center of attention or the focal point of the offense, and arrogant enough to be willing to walk away from millions and millions of dollars; or two, he could be honestly disenchanted with the situation in Utah, which has apparently drained his obvious enthusiasm for the game and his happiness. AK-47's production dropped significantly last season, but it was obvious that was going to happen as soon as Carlos Boozer got healthy and reliable, which he did. Boozer took some of Kirilenko's points and boards, but AK's not on the floor to supply numbers - he brings creativity, he opens the floor, and he creates huge matchup problems when he's playing without a grudge. As much as I dislike this label, he's the prototypical glue guy.

The grudge seemingly stems from the emergence of Boozer and Deron Williams, which in itself brought about a complete change of the Jazz offense. See, Sloan is old school, and now that he can go back to playing high-low (as he did with Malone and Stockton), he will. I think that offense is staid - too little motion, too much reliance on post players, and too slow. It's like the 4-4-2 of basketball offenses. Sloan actually did his best coaching of his career before Deron Williams broke out and when Boozer was hurt. They developed a run and gun style, and they used a smaller, faster lineup. That's when AK, seen here trying to hump his wife on the golf course, was at his best.

That's a perfect situation for AK-47. He thrived under those conditions, and so they signed him to a big contract... and promptly started playing a style of basketball that didn't take advantage of his skill set. If Utah decides to place their future in the hands of Williams and Boozer, they will be a perennial playoff team, sure, but can they make the NBA Finals? No way. Especially not in the West. And nothing against Williams and Boozer, because they really played great last year, and I really like them as players, but I just can't see them succeeding, in their current setup, against teams like Phoenix and Dallas. It's not happening.

AK's overpayed, emotional, and maybe a bit crazy, but he's damn good. He just led Russia to the European Championship, by the way. He would thrive in a small ball environment, and he would be a better fit for a coach who allows his versatile players to use their creativity efficiently.

Nate McMillan, perhaps?

TJH

Dude, Seriously.

Today was my first day back at school. I take classes at the Sylvania PCC, and I drive by the Rose Garden every day I go. Today I drove by and saw this:



What!?! That ridiculous jersey is STILL up?? Don't you think they should try to start promoting some players that might actually play this season? Don't you think that every time a Blazers supporter drives by that jersey it just reminds them how pissed off they are about this whole Oden thing?

I think I will ask my friend Mark, who went to Marquette and studied marketing, what he thinks about this. I will ask him if this is a wise move from a marketing standpoint. I am guessing he will say something like, "No, this is stupid."

I will have to agree with him.

TJH

Mind Games

I first heard that AK-47 was thinking about leaving the NBA from ESPN.com's rumor page, and then it grew and grew to now people actually are talking about it, and alas, Ty wrote about him as if he was a god-send to the NBA.

I have never been a fan of Kirilenko, besides the nickname. The nickname is great. He is decent. He had three good years, where it looked like he was on the way to a good career. Made the All-Defensive team and all that. But then he pulled a Nick Anderson in the playoffs this year. Actually, he tanked all year long averaging a whopping 8.3 ppg. Then continued his tankage into the playoffs averaging a mind boggling 5.3 ppg in the first round, and then was non-existent during the Spurs series.

Was it Jerry Sloan? Is he stifling him? Is he too hard a coach? Who cares. Play ball. He was HALF as productive as he was in the years before while playing under the same Jerry Sloan. He played in 70 games. He got so deep inside his own head Dirk Nowitzki couldn't even find him.

There is talk about trading him to Phoenix for Marion that makes me laugh. Why would you get rid of Marion for Kirilenko? Unless you are trying to create an all-Euro team, I don't see anything in Kirilenko that screams anything except "HEAD CASE!"

He isn't walking away from guaranteed money because he doesn't care about money, he is walking away because he can't handle it. The pressure, the coach, the game. He was pathetic all year. Maybe a fresh start is what he needs, maybe he will pull a Vince Carter, or a Randy Moss and turn it around with a new city. The Clips could use him, they just lost Brand for the year most likely. Nah, Sam Cassell would tear him a new one if he played anything like he did last year.

Anyway, that's my Kirilenko rant for the day. Europe might not be a bad idea. Think of it as a rehab stint. Take his time to get his mind right, figure out that he is a basketball player again, and then come back as an unrestricted free-agent and help bring the Hawks out of the cellar.

The Offseason of Our Discontent

This offseason has been pretty exciting. We had the draft lottery drama, and the Boston megatrades, and the ref scandal, and the Kobe trade demand, and the Kobe non-trade demand, and the Kobe trade non-demand, and the Oden injury... all major stories, but it seems like some even more relevant stories are being pushed under the rug. So, in typical nonsense fashion, I present the top five underrated NBA stories of the offseason, as categorized by names of some of my favorite songs by The Smiths:

#5: "This Charming Man"

To Gilbert Arenas, who has insisted that his Wizards, and NOT the hype machine coming out of Boston, will win the East. And you know what? If they stay healthy, I think he's right. People are ignoring the Wizards. Prepare yourselves for the inevitable mid-season "How About These Amazing Wizards!?!" columns. If they were healthy last year, they would have finished with a higher seed, cruised through the first round, and would have beaten Cleveland handily. That's the NBA runners-up Cleveland Cavaliers, for those of you who have conveniently forgotten last year's sorry state of affairs that were the NBA Finals. Yeah, it turns out I was the only person in the United States outside of Cleveland who placed a bet on the Cavs to win, and even that was just for a pack of Big Red gum, if only for providing at least some reason for me to sit through any of those horrid games.

Count me in with the scores of Arenas supporters who have yet to grow tired of his refreshing outlook on basketball and life. Here's a kid, living his dream of being an NBA star, and making the absolute most of it. He works hard, but he has fun. That's admirable in any situation. To not give in to the relentless pressure to be a voiceless slave, to not be afraid to make a fool of yourself in front of millions of people, to not give in to changing your personality as you become rich... he's like the anti-Duncan. Gilbert Arenas is the type of guy that Lars Larson would hate. Now that's somebody you can support. And if you're offended by his boasting and his 50-point-game predictions? Lighten up. It's good for the NBA, which David Stern is trying to turn into a league without personality. I saw the Wizards play in Portland last year, and you wouldn't have believed the amount of serious hatred directed his way. People booed, people hissed, people cursed him. I heard a lady ask her boyfriend, who was wearing a Zach Randolph jersey, why everybody hated Gilbert, and he replied, "Because he's a (bleeping) (bleep). (Bleep) him. He said he was gonna score 50 tonight. He's a joke. A (bleeping) joke." But the guy in the Randolph jersey still paid to see Arenas play, and he probably had that date circled on his calendar for weeks. I guess you either love Gilbert, or you just love to hate him.

#4: "Nowhere Fast"

To the New Jersey Nets, who have proven to be chronic underacheivers with their core of Vince Carter, Jason Kidd, and Richard Jefferson - and are apparently fine with it. New Jersey started the offseason with many options, the most logical of which was to gut the team and start over, giving them a fresh new look and optimism as they prepare for their move to Brooklyn. Instead, they chose to sit on their hands and hold on to Jason Kidd and Richard Jefferson, who at least have some trade value left at this point (remember, Portland was in the hunt for Richard Jefferson at one point, lending even more credence to my opinion that Kevin Pritchard doesn't know what he's doing). Not only that, but they re-signed Vince Carter to more than $60 million over four years, truly mystefying in the sense that he's a shoot-first prima donna who can't even shoot that well and is past his prime and openly admits to not trying his hardest at times. Having Carter and Kidd on the same team is like Johnny Marr playing guitar for Modest Mouse - two completely different styles of play that can't possibly be better than the sum of its parts. With Carter, who launches about 30 shots a game and makes about 12, Kidd can't play the running game, and so he settles for launching up 17-footers as if he were Scottie Pippen. In short, the Nets, who on paper should have been the #3 seed in the east, ended up lucky to be #6, and will have trouble even getting that high this year.

Minnesota was in a similar boat at the end of last season. The system wasn't working, and instead of spending more time figuring out why, the change was made. Now Garnett's gone, and they're gonna have trouble staying out of the West cellar this season. But what a bright future Minny now has! In the Garnett trade, they got Al Jefferson, Gerald Green, Ratliff's expiring contract, and two 2009 first round draft picks. Oh, and let's not forget they already have Randy Foye, Corey Brewer, Rashad McCants and Craig Smith. New Jersey could have ended up with a strong nucleus of young talent and draft picks by trading away their stars, but they've sentenced themselves to more years of boring, mediocre basketball and first round playoff exits. The biggest move they've made this summer? Signing Jamaal Magloire. Nets Fever: Catch It!!

#3: "I Don't Owe You Anything"

To Andrei Kirilenko, owner of the league's best nickname (AK-47), worst haircut (now that Drew Gooden has come to his senses and removed that thing that was attached to the back of his head), and most desired independence. Kirilenko, a versatile and energetic spark that helped Utah to overacheive last season, has asked that his contract be torn up. Apparently he's tired of being an "agent of Sloan" - and I don't blame him one bit. Jerry Sloan seems like a mean, nasty man. He also happens to be a pretty good basketball coach. So, if you're playing basketball, and you're on a winning team, but the coach is a big jerk to you and most everybody else, what do you do? Do you put your head down and play, ignoring the constant negativity and stranglehold put on creative play? Or are you willing to throw $63 million in guaranteed money down the drain, just so you can be happy?

Well, put AK in the latter camp. This is amazing to me. He is willing to walk away from guaranteed money - far more than he could ever get in another contract - because playing in Utah has diminished his spark. What a guy! See, this is my kind of guy. What matters to him is happiness. Here's ONE guy who can say, "You know what? I've got plenty of money already. I don't need much more. I just want to live my life the way I want to, and not be stuck on a miserable basketball team." Do you think Joe Johnson would ever do this? Or Theo Ratliff? Or Paul Pierce? Or Eddy Curry?No way. Some summer for Utah, eh? Two NBA players ask to be released from their contracts this summer, and they both played for Utah. Big surprise.

#2: "Money Changes Everything"

To the Orlando Magic, who were able to keep Dwight Howard (good) but signed Rashard Lewis to a max deal (very bad)... and that's about it, unless you count signing Adonal Foyle as anything significant. Unable to move up in the draft, they put all their eggs in one basket with Lewis, who's never led a team before. So how many games into the season will the Magic front office regret giving Lewis the fat contract? 30? 10? As recently as last year, Orlando was a team on the rise, even securing a playoff seed. Now? Lewis will start slow and never live up to the expectations of an athlete who makes $127 million playing basketball, JJ Redick still won't be able to create his own shot, Dwight Howard will dunk the ball many times, Stan Van Gundy will appear jovial at a press conference, Bo Outlaw will get lost trying to find an IHOP in New Orleans and miss a team flight, and the Magic will be hard pressed to get back to the playoffs. Mark my words.

The maddening thing about Orlando's situation, if you care to look at it using common sense, is that they now have over $200 million invested in two players who they essentially paying based on their potential. Couple that with the fact that Orlando is a very attractive place to play for pro basketball players, and you can't help but think how dangerous Orlando would have been if they used their cap space wisely. The Howard signing was necessary, so no qualms there. But they should have tried to move up in the draft to get another guard, and they should have looked at filling their roster with players like Gerald Wallace, Ime Udoka, Ruben Patterson, Mickael Pietrus, and Andres Nocioni. But they didn't, and they gave $127 million to somebody who no one in their right mind would have signed for anything over half that. Welcome to Orlando, Stan!

#1: "How Soon is Now?"

To the Phoenix Suns and their fans, who ended last season outraged and bitter, and had every right to be. The championship was stolen from them, and all that Steve Nash and company could do was to take the good-sport approach, congratulating the "winners" and wishing them well in the next series. But this was robbery. This was like Kennedy-Stealing-the-1960-Election robbery. The San Antonio Spurs are champions, and although they might be the most undeserved, dirty, ugly, boring, and classless champions in the history of sport, they are still champions.

And you know that the Suns are pissed off. That trophy was rightfully theirs. And you know that they've dedicated the summer to finally beating the Spurs, and beating them their way. Witness the departure of Kurt Thomas, one of their few effective post players. Notice that they're trading away future draft picks and the signing of Grant Hill. This is obviously the Suns' last chance. Nash is getting old, Marion is getting sick of being a third wheel, Barbosa wants to be a starter and deserves a chance, and Mike D'Antoni's head is about to explode.

Time is running out.

TJH

Greg Oden Speaks

This is Greg Oden trying to stay upbeat and positive on camera.



I wonder if he had to film like twenty takes because he kept choking up?

TJH

Pat Riley: Senile Old Git?

Watch out for the Heat! Seriously, man, look at what the Heat have managed to pull off during the offseason so far:

- They signed Penny Hardaway. Yes, the same Penny Hardaway who blew out his knee years ago and has never come close to being effective on the court since. What, was Ed O'Bannon not available?

- They lost Jason Kapono to free agency. Man, that hurts. He shot over 50% from three last year! Oh well, no worries, because...

- They signed Smush Parker. Wait a minute - plenty of worries! Smush Parker sucks! Has Pat Riley ever seen him play? He would rather have Smush Parker run the point instead of Jason Williams? Did Riles think he was signing Tony Parker? Did I just call Pat Riley "Riles"?

- And of course, they signed Charlie Bell to the ridiculous offer. I couldn't believe it when I read Kevin's post, and I thought to myself, there's no WAY Milwaukee matches that. But luckily for the Heat, I habitually overestimate the competence of these people running NBA teams, because THE BUCKS MATCHED THE OFFER SHEET.

You know, it can't be that hard. It really can't. You spend a rich guy's money to put together a basketball team. You spend your time watching basketball and reading about basketball, and you make decisions based on that knowledge you've acquired from your time in the game, and you make your team better. And I just can't believe people like Larry Miller, Bucks GM and son of old NBA coach Del Harris, apparently doing everything in his power to permanently affix the "mediocre" label to the Bucks franchise. Do you honestly see them making the playoffs at all in the next five years? What about ten years? They will get close maybe a couple times, but Michael Redd will become dissatisfied with management's inability to surround him with decent support and he will bolt. Miller, seen here with the exact same haircut I had in second grade, was responsible for the Yi pick, which was terrible from a basketball standpoint, and they handled it as well as I would handle managing a Japanese ski team, assuming I don't know any Japanese and I don't like to ski (both true). They can't seem to attract a coach that knows what he's doing. This Bell signing isn't really that significant, really. It's just a typical bad desperation move made by a desperate team that's apparently resorted to just crossing their fingers and hoping that they play really well this season. Well, good luck, Bucks.

At any rate, it seems like I would maybe stop slagging off Kevin Pritchard every chance I get, considering the quantity of dumb moves and signings being made by practically every team in the league. And I seriously thought about it for a day or two. But then, as I said earlier, I always give people too much credit, and so I thought to myself, there's no WAY Pritchard would ever be so dumb as to seriously think about signing somebody like Doug Christie.

Well, it just so happens that the Blazers might sign Doug Christie. "They told my agent that they were highly impressed and that I was the best on the floor," Christie said after the workout. Oh, Kevin Pritchard, you sly dog! Time after time, you impress me with your incredible insight and eye for talent.

Doug Christie. Yikes.

TJH

Post Production

Having a great post player is an important part in putting a successful team on the floor. No doubt about it. That's a much better way to put it than saying you need a dominant center. What this debate revolves around is the idea that Oden was the necessary pick because we didn't have a dominant center. That's true - we didn't have a dominant center. But we already had a player that might turn into one of the most dominant post players in the league, and he's poised for a breakthrough season. I'm talking about LaMarcus Aldridge.

See, I think Aldridge got lost in the shuffle here. Many people got carried away with the whole Twin Towers idea (myself included), when they failed to realize that the league is turning, albeit slowly, into a smaller, faster game, and a Twin Towers offense might not pan out. Pointing to the Spurs' recent "championship" is pointless, as we all can agree with level heads that it was undeserved. Aldridge impressed many people last year in a limited number of games, and he'll thrive in the uptempo game that McMillan will be (hopefully) implementing, now that Steve Blake's back.

So, entering the draft, we had a solid shooting guard in Roy; Steve Blake, solid point guard and proven winner, had just bought a house in Lake Oswego, so that pretty much indicated his intention to sign with Portland; and in Aldridge, we had a post player, who had just been given a clean bill of health, by the way, and had the potential to be a star. So, the only thing missing was a dependable and capable slasher. Easy.

Of course, it's simple to break it down like this in hindsight. But it's funny how this always works. Let's take your example of Detroit's 2004 championship team, Kevin. Demonstrating the best team play since the 1977 Trail Blazers, the Pistons essentially had two post players: Rasheed and Ben Wallace. Rasheed provided the offensive half of the post; Ben provided the defense, rebounding, and personality that defined the ethos of that particular team. Ben ended up leaving, and what do you know? Lacking a defensive stopper in the middle, they couldn't even get past Cleveland last year. And even though Ben was wildly overpaid, they had to do it to return to the Finals. Apparently, repeating their past success wasn't worth $60 million. Dumars isn't exactly a genius (he chose Darko over Carmelo, remember), but he's basically competent, and so this had to have been understood when Chicago's offer wasn't met.

So let's look at Chicago now. They signed Ben Wallace, and so the Bulls were the sexy pick in the east by many pundits. Umm... what? He has no offense. Zero. Who was gonna put points on the board from inside ten feet? Not Tyrus Thomas, a raw rookie who needs two more years to get solid. Not Tyson Chandler, who went to the Hornets. So ten games into the season, I read an article by Chris Broussard or somebody on ESPN: "Bulls Need Post Offense" was the title. Really! Wow. Who would have guessed? Seriously, no one saw that coming.

Essentially Kevin, I think you're right regarding post players, but it seems like you aren't putting as much into smallball as I am. Phoenix would have won the title last year if the games weren't rigged. Keep in mind, they do have Amare, who just happened to be chosen first-team all-NBA last year, alongside Tim Duncan and Dirk, both also power forwards. Yeah, it's funny that he says he wants to shoot more threes, but you know D'Antoni won't let him. And lest we forget about Dallas, who ended up losing in the first round to a team who out-dallased Dallas. It's not like the Mavs lost to a team with a dominant post player. They lost to a team who shot threes all the time and loved to run.

A sign of the times, perhaps?

TJH

The Silver Lining!!!!!!!!!!

I found it! I found the silver lining in this whole Summer-of-Oden. At least we aren't offering Charlie Bell $18 million to play for us. The Heat have reportedly offered Charlie Bell a whopping 18 million. Desperate times in Miami. He made $744,551 last year, and he only averaged 13.5 ppg, so unless that 18 is attached to a 9 year contract, I don't get it. Maybe I read it wrong, maybe it's 1.8 million, lemme check...nope, 18.

Maybe they meant to send the offer to Raja Bell and the intern responsible for the transaction had a long night playing a bootleg version of Halo 3, so he accidentally faxed the offer to Charlie Bell's agent instead. Easy mistake. For the Heat's sake I hope Charlie declines it just like Mo Williams did.

The Heat should just sign Hot Sauce. Or, bring back one of the Crispin brothers. Really though, with Antoine Walker still on the roster, I don't think any of it matters.

The silver lining? Steve Blake came back. See Ty, maybe you shouldn't be so down on Pritchard, at least we aren't in the Charlie Bell sweepstakes.

Big Men

As much as I want to believe that you don't need a dominant big man to win championships, mainly because I don't know if we will ever have one knowing our luck, it's hard for me to say it's not true. Unless you have Michael Jordan.

Ty, I know you didn't include the Spurs and Detroit in your list of teams that won it with big men, but I think they should be included. Tim Duncan is for all intensive purposes a center. Yes, he is listed as a Forward-Center, much like Dirk Diggler in Texas is, but Duncan is such a dominant post player that I think he HAS to be included in the dominant big men talk of Shaq and Hakeem and the like.

Likewise, if you look at Detroit and there championship they had Ben Wallace. Yes, he only scored a handful of points every game, but you can't say he wasn't a dominant player. He changes the game. Like Bill Walton loves to point out, he changes shots, he changes decisions that opposing players normally would make when they get in the paint. True, he is only 6'9", but the dude plays center.

When I look at the list of past champions, other than MJ and Bill Wennington and Longley and Purdue, I see dominant big men. Why do they win? Because they draw double teams down to the box, they are able to find open players for open shots, which in the NBA is deadly. They rebound, they block, they score inside. Dominant wing players, other than Jordan and maybe at one point Kobe in the near future, need big men to create space for them. The NBA is a simple game. It's all about spacing and creating opportunities for players to get good looks and exploiting mismatches. When you have a dominant post player, offensively or defensively as with Wallace, you have mismatches. Now I don't know if Oden would have been that, or will ever be that, and maybe if Aldridge can put some weight on he will be that kind of player, but unless you are playing NBA Live, you need big men to dominate.

Look at Phoenix: classic example of a team loaded with talent, arguably more talent than any other team, but they don't have a big man. They had Kurt Thomas. They had Amare who wants to shoot more threes. That and they don't play D.

Dallas: Eric Dampier. Yikes. They have tons of talent on that team, and they are a true "team" thanks to Avery Johnson, but Dampier just doesn't cut it, and Dirk plays like a small forward.

Minnesota when KG was there: He too plays like a SF/PF. Granted they never had a great team around him, but even in Boston without Jefferson, they will find the same problems as other teams with talent at every position except C.

Durant will be good. And I do think he should have been the pick, because who knows how good Oden will be, but to me it's always been clear that you need a dominant big man in the middle, which I think should include Duncan and Wallace.

KT

How To Be a Good Fan

Takin' it to the streets.



This isn't me, by the way. I think this is one of the million guys in Pink Martini. I don't know him, but he seems like a great guy.

TJH

How To Be a Bad Fan

Have you seen this?

In short, John Turner is a man who bought Blazer season tickets because Greg Oden "re-energized" his enthusiasm for the team.

When Oden got hurt, Turner contacted the team, requesting a refund.

Seriously, John? Just because of Oden? You bought season tickets just because of Greg Oden?

"We don't want to see the Blazers without him."

Thet team's still gonna be pretty good, John. Don't you think you're jumping the gun a bit here? I mean, you bought season tickets based on the potential performance of a player who underwhelmed in college and is yet to play a pro game?

"I go downtown every day and see that sign across the Rose Garden - 'We're back to Rip City'. My wife said something like, 'It's back to the Ripped Knee City'"

Shame on you, John Turner, for going so far as to talk to The Oregonian about your dissatisfaction. And shame on you, John Turner's wife, for making such a bad, nonsensical joke in front of somebody who apparently is so lacking in common sense that he would repeat it in an interview with a major newspaper.

I'll take your tickets, John. You don't even need to pay me. I'll spare you the indignity of having to watch a young, hard working team surrounded by positive energy try to climb their way back into the playoffs.

Leave, and never come back.

TJH

Post Oden

It's been a few days since the Oden injury, and so we've had some time to fully ingest the news and think it over with clear heads. I've calmed down a bit since Thursday, when the news hit and interrupted my fantastic work-free week of going to soccer games and reading dinosaur comics. It was truly a special week until the injury news, so Thank You Very Much Greg Oden, for daring to interrupt my stress-free holiday with your knee "injury". Harrumph.

I was talking to my friend Evander the other night, and I basically came to the realization that I'm not even that disappointed. And even though I made no attempt to proselytize, I still didn't get a response, mainly because Evander is a cat who lives across the street. Nevertheless, I still think the Blazers have an outside shot at making the playoffs. That's still what I want from this season. Playoffs. That's it. I'll feel much better about watching the playoffs on television, that's for sure.

See, supporting a team that doesn't make the playoffs is like tagging along with a friend to a really good party. It's a great party, at this huge house that even has a pool with a diving board, and when you walk into the house "Can't You Hear Me Knocking" is blasting from the hi-fi, and everybody is wearing rad suits and sun dresses, except for the smattering of hipsters with drainpipe trousers and stupid haircuts, who are a bit annoying at first but then give the party that necessary element of "cinéma vérité",
if you will allow me to use that term in a loose way that necessitates quotation marks, and that may or may not make a lick of sense. Oh, and the food is great, too - but you're always thinking, in the back of your head, that you weren't officially invited, that you're just tagging along. And so you walk around, and you think, "Man, This is an Awesome Party!!" But then you trip over a rug, spilling your Stella all over the couch, and the girls are all taken, and the hipsters take over the hi-fi and everyone has to listen to a crappy hipster band with a crappy hipster band name that took two seconds to come up with and is seemingly just two random words put together, but still vague and oblique in the sense that the band can claim there is some deep meaning behind the name, like "Brood Pneumatic" or something, and your friend that you came with is in the middle of a group of guys who all have nicely trimmed goatees that scream, "Attention, Women Of My Immediate Vicinity: Please Notice My Ability To Groom Myself And Generally Pay Attention To My Hygeine!", and he's telling an incredibly long story that has something to do with Wall Street, and the story involves many pauses so the audience knows when to laugh heartily, usually after a witty double entendre, malapropism, or purposely misused French phrase; seemingly gratuitous, yes, but knowing your friend, carefully placed to establish a reputation of high culture mixed with down-to-earth, good-ol'-boy hi-jinx.

Here's two things that have come to light in the past week:

GREG ODEN WAS THE WRONG PICK AT #1. Absolutely, without a doubt. I thought he might be the wrong pick before the draft. I thought we were passing up a terrific player in Kevin Durant.

But now I know. We all know. And so soon! Look, on draft day, we knew that he was injury prone since high school. So I suppose we could have lucked out and Oden could have avoided a big injury - at least for a few years. But he got hurt before ever playing a game. So now, if anybody tells you with a straight face that Oden was the correct pick, they are lying to you. Which brings me conveniently to my next point...

KEVIN PRITCHARD IS A LIAR. Surprise! He is making the rounds defending the bad choice he made in picking Oden. Check it out! It's funny, really. Cute, in a way. Also cute in this clip is Colin Cowherd calling Kevin Pritchard "Kev", like they played on the same baseball team in seventh grade.



So now, after all this, I'm hearing that now we aren't a playoff team anymore, since Oden is out. But honestly? If everybody else stays relatively healthy, we can win 40 games. People have apparently forgotten about Roy already, and Aldridge is primed for a breakout season, and Zach Randolph is finally gone, and there's also Blake, Frye, Sergio, Jones... come on. Even without Oden, there are MANY reasons to be excited this season.

Greg Oden was not going to even be that great in the first place. He is not our franchise player.

He is a piece of the puzzle. Let's hope he fits.

TJH

Big Men Don't Win Championships

My friend Travis, fellow Blazer supporter, recently moved back to Portland from New York. Last night we were talking Blazers, and he's one of those people who insist that, while Durant will get his numbers, Oden is the type of player that will win championships. But then he froze when I asked him one question:

Why?

Actually he didn't freeze. He said something like, "OK, so why do you say that Durant is the type of player that will win championships??" And I said something like, "Well, Travis, I never said that. I wouldn't make such vast generalizations. And I wouldn't pretend that there's some kind of specific type of player that will win NBA championships." And he said something like, "Yeah you did." And I said something like, "No I didn't." And he said something like "When's the pizza getting here?" And I said something like, "I don't know, I called like 45 minutes ago. It should be here soon." And we didn't say anything for a little bit, and then he said something like, "I hope onions don't come on the Smokehouse Combo."

Wait, what what I talking about? Oden. OK.

It's curious to see all these NBA "experts" consistently bang home that outdated mantra:

Big Men Win Championships. You Need a Dominant Center. You Can't Win Without a Big Man.

Asinine. All of it. You CAN win without a big man. It's been proven time after time, the most recent example being last year. Of course, I guess Tim Duncan can be labeled a big man. I would label him a big man. He's way bigger than me. And he's a man. So is every other basketball player, I think. So, for simplicity's sake, let's use "center" instead of "big man". At any rate, that's what is literally meant by "big man".

So I wonder, how many of the past 21 NBA champions had dominant centers? Answer: Eight. 8. Less than half. The Lakers of the '80s had Kareem, so that's two. The mid-90s Rockets had Olajuwon, so that's two more.
And then Shaq's Lakers and Heat. Four more. Eight total. The Pistons, Bulls, and Spurs won thirteen championships in the past twenty-one years without a dominant center.

Wait. Hold on. Doesn't that mean that, if you play the odds, if you want to really play by the numbers, don't you have a better chance of winning a championship without a great center? Quick, Kevin, we have to alert Ric Bucher or somebody. Somebody needs to show these NBA teams the error of their ways, before some team like the Blazers waste their top pick on a hobbled big man...

TJH

Diary of a Depressed Man

2:47 pm: I am chatting on Gmail with my friend Jon about whether or not he should pick up Deuce McAllister in our fantasy league. Then it came. The most devastating news in my recent memory.

Jonathan: holy shit

turn to ESPN right now

i mean the website

I thought maybe Lou Pinella was taking HGH, or they found out that Tim Hardaway really is clinically insane, but no. Greg Oden had microfracture surgery. Out for the season. For all I care, out for life.

2:50 pm: My head is spinning. Images of Mashburn, Webber, Allan Houston, Amare, Sam Bowie, Bill Walton are swimming through my head, all flipping me off. I tell Jon I have to go.

3:30 pm: I am showering. I have entered depression. It doesn't feel good. The presumably hot water feels cold.

4:15 pm: Driving to work I start to rationalize: "Maybe he will be better? Is that possible? Maybe, everything is possible, anything can happen nowadays! Right? Right?! Right! Yeah. This isn't so bad, and heck, we still have a good team, and shoot, maybe Aldridge's heel will heal and Roy will play all 82 games and Durant will suck. Who knows! Maybe HE will be the next Darko! Ha! The Sonics....I pitty them..."

4:16: I am almost in tears. I contemplate quitting the Blazers. Possibly quitting the NBA and basketball as a whole.

4:45: At work, standing at the bar watching the doctors talk about microfracture surgery on ESPN News. It doesn't look good. 12 months to be safe, they have nothing to lose, they say, by taking it slow with Oden. WE HAVE EVERYTHING TO LOSE! No one around me cares. We are in Washington, D.C. I take a shot of vodka.

5:00: They are replaying the Blazer's News Conference. I am reading the subtitles because the volume is off. Nate McMillan looks like he wants to kill himself. Pritchard hasn't slept in years. Nate talks about how they were looking forward to LaMarcus and Greg playing together. I want to cry. Pritchard assures us Oden is still the right pick. If I could fly, I would fly to Portland on the winds of the gods and puke all over Pritchard.

6:00: I have resigned to give up on the Blazers for 5 years. I won't even check the boxscores, I won't watch the highlights, I won't go to games. 5 years should be long enough for Oden to be out of the league, right? 5 years it is.

6:15: I discuss the possibilities of Oden coming back and being near the same, whatever that is, after rehabbing. Co-worker laughs. I laugh. This is funny. This has to be funny. God has to hate us. Maybe Oregon shouldn't have assisted suicide. I blame Kavorkian. I hate Kavorkian.

6:30: Contemplate writing a letter to the Oregon Congress about passing a law requiring all Oregonians to repent of everything they have ever done. I would conclude with this: It is only by this, and through this, that I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that said smiting (the smiting from God would have been well referenced and documented in relation to Blazer history) should cease and the success will return to this cursed franchise.

6:55: At every table I greet I see Kevin Durant.

7:45: I feel drunk. The gambit of emotions my body has endured in the last five hours has led to me feeling inebriated. I welcome it. I embrace it.

10:00: Work has slowed, the dinner rush is over. My body has returned to reality, and with it, my depression. Text messages from unsympathetic friends fill my inbox. I hate them all. I wish terrible things on them.

11:00: Sportscenter. Oden. Shoot me.

12:00 AM: I call a friend, a Nugget fan, and tell him of my five year hiatus. His answering machine listens intently to my three minute diatribe of hate. I tell him I will never move back to Portland. Ever. I tell him it is too much. I can't take it anymore. Mashburn. Houston. Hardaway. Webber. Bowie. Walton. Bowie. Bowie. Bowie.

12:35 AM: I call my friend Andy on the way home from work. We watched the draft together. We both rooted for the Blazers to select Oden. I told him of my thoughts of -- Bowie -- retiring from the Blazers for five years. He laughed. I laughed. I knew I couldn't do it. He tells me that Pritchard picked the right kid. I ask him what the reaction in Portland has been like.

"Typical. Looking for the bright side, you know, 'we'll get him next year.' That kind of crap."

I tell him that's bull poop. "It's a bust. It's a bust. There is no way around it. There is no way to find the silver lining. There is no good side to this. Durant is going to score 50 on the Blazers and there is nothing we can do about it. We are cursed. He said he isn't going to buy season tickets anymore.

12:55 AM: This thought passes through my mind: Maybe Joel Przybilla will have a career year. Maybe I should move to Nova Scotia.

Simmons' Take

Read what Bill Simmons, the VP of Common Sense, has to say about the Oden ordeal. Surprise! He takes a "we-knew-this-was-coming" angle. Why? Because we knew this was coming.

My favorite part:

"It's not like this story came out of the blue. Heading into the draft, there were concerns about Oden's long-term physical health and the fact his legs were different sizes. After his predraft physical with Portland, rumors spread that the Blazers were concerned about his knees, followed by a round of stories that they weren't concerned at all. I believed at the time the Oden-Durant thing was so close, ANY potential physical concerns should have swung the choice to Durant; that's one of the reasons I kept writing last June that Durant should be Portland's pick. Everyone kept writing Oden was a sure thing; if anything, Durant was the sure thing. He has a chance to become one of the greatest offensive players ever. That's his ceiling. We've never seen anyone remotely like him."

It might seem like I am revelling in this terrible news. Trust me, I'm as bummed as the next Blazers supporter. But I am not surprised IN THE LEAST. I can't get over how obvious this was. I can't.

No more angry posts from me today. I'm going to kick the soccer ball around. I need to clear my head.

TJH

Bob Whitsitt's Ghost

We should be used to things like this by now, but I'm not. At the time, it was easy to get caught up in the hype and hysteria. It was an opportunity for Blazers supporters to revel in our good fortune. Finally, the sun was shining on us.

So I understand how so many people completely disregarded the facts. They disregarded Oden's unimpressive first season in college. They ignored the whispers that suggested he needed at least another full college season to improve his game. They didn't worry about the nagging injuries. They tossed aside worries that he might not be even that committed to the game, considering his demeanor on the court and his open desire to become a dentist.

But I don't understand management's decision to pass on Durant, a player who would have fit perfectly into our roster, a player without any injury concerns, a player just coming off one of the best college seasons ever produced. You're exactly right, Kevin - Pritchard did not do his homework here. He gave into the hype. Instead of going for the sure thing, he crossed his fingers and hoped for the best. He's a bush league GM, the latest in a long line of completely inept, corrupt, and boneheaded GMs Portland has scrounged up from the recycle bin. He's in completely over his head, as Whitsitt, Nash, and Patterson all were. The correct move here would be to fire Pritchard immediately, to make it clear that this organization won't stand for inept leaders anymore. But they won't, and the culture of bad decision making will continue. Over and over and over and over, like a monkey with a miniature cymbal.

Big men don't win championships. Look at how many times this thinking has gotten teams into trouble: Patrick Ewing. Sam Bowie. Yao Ming.

And now Greg Oden. What a waste. A complete, utterly avoidable waste.

TJH

Microfracture my ass.

I just saw the article. Microfracture surgery. Supposed to stimulate cartilage growth. Give me a break. Give me a fu*&%*$ break!

What a bust. I can't even think of anything witty or semi-funny to say about this. Do your research before you draft a busted up 7 footer. I was for him, honestly I was, but for the love...

Well. Hopefully Aldridge is awesome, and that Spanish kid Rudy will be an All-Star his first season in the league. I can't believe it. We got through Bowie, maybe we can get through Oden.

Tyler, this is killing me.

KT

Out For The Season

Yes, it's true.

Greg Oden will undergo microfracture knee surgery and miss the season.

A truly terrible draft choice, made yet again by truly terrible management.

When will they learn?

TJH

No Alarms and No Surprises

Best case (and most likely) scenario: Oden misses two weeks, and he's back in time for training camp.

Worst case scenario: He misses the entire season.

Now, I'm not going to say I Told You So. Saying I Told You So would make it seem like I think I know all the answers, which I clearly don't. I'm not one of those guys who go around screaming "I Told You So! I Told You So!" when they are obviously right about something that was so clear to any free-thinking individual. I hate it when people say I Told You So. I mean, yeah, Oden was obviously the wrong choice at #1, but saying I Told You So would be a bit superfluous at this point. I'm not gonna worry about it too much at this point. Too early to tell.

But Oden clearly is injury prone. We've known that forever. He's had problems with his wrist, which is not fully healed yet, and might never fully heal. He has a bulging disc in his back, a detail that was lost among the pre-draft hysteria that surrounded Portland. And now the knee...

The Oden hype machine was the biggest the NBA had seen since LeBron James entered the league, but there was a major difference between the two: LeBron's hype was actually based on something. What was Oden's hype based on? Was it solely based on potential? That's what it seemed like to me. I saw like three of his college games, and was not impressed in the least. But everybody was saying that I should have been impressed. Why? He put up decent numbers in college. He has a fun-loving personality. Umm... is there anything else?

I have seen nothing from Oden that has made me feel we made the right choice picking him #1. Nothing. So even if he misses part of the season, I don't really think it will make a big difference, because we have a pretty good roster even without him.

Maybe all this Oden injury stuff is cosmic payback for management actually pretending that there was a debate as to who they were going to select as #1. Honk once, honk twice? That was ridiculous. Just a ploy to sell more tickets. And hey, it worked, apparently. Games are already sold out. But I think now, more than ever, the message is clear:

I Told You So.

Sorry. Couldn't help it.

TJH

Say it ain't so...

So I was going to log on here and write about your breakdown of the shooters, which first of all I take offense to having Outlaw and Darius listed under the heading "shooters." Every basketball player who can actually shoot should cringe. Maybe list them under "athletes and/or former athletes." But, I'm not going to write about the shooters because GREG ODEN IS HAVING EXPLORATORY SURGERY!

Shoot me.

I just listened to one of the 2 Live Stews on 1st and 10 say he had two surgeries during his playing day just like Oden is about to have and that he should be fine in two weeks. I frankly, if we are going to be honest here Tyler, I don't believe it. I am already curtailing my excitement for the season, and definitely for Oden. I will have a coronary if Oden has something wrong with his knee.

I know I know, lets wait and see, lets not jump to conclusions here, but my God. If he doesn't pan out...


KT

Practice Makes Perfect

This is as close as we will get to Blazer action for a while now, so let's make the most of it.



TJH

The Shooters

We've taken a short break from RCF, but we're back. I coach a soccer team, which keeps me busy these days, and also I've been occupied with weddings, bachelor parties, work, and watching England stick it to Israel in Euro 2008 qualifying. But enough excuses. To continue our evaluation of our roster, I have chosen to break down our players into three groups: the point guards, who we've already covered; the shooters, who are basically the shootings guards and the small forwards; and the bigs. Today, we'll be focusing on the shooters.

BRANDON ROY: Look no further than the drafting of Golden Boy Roy as the turning point in our recent change of fortune. Yes, Aldridge was actually drafted ahead of him, and he might turn out to be more dominant than Roy, and more statistically effective, but Brandon's the heart and soul of our resurrection. The guy's on an incredible hot streak right now:

-He was the near-unanimous Rookie of the Year. The only vote not cast for him was by a Toronto hack who somehow deduced that Bargnani was more effective last year. Sure, the Raptors made the playoffs last year, but Roy's impact shook the Blazers' foundation to the core, almost singlehandedly changing the culture and ethos of the organization, from top to bottom. People want to work for the Trail Blazers. Players want to play for the Trail Blazers. The #1 reason for this is Brandon Roy.

- He was our draft lottery day talisman who left Portland a hero and returned a saint, having willed us to the #1 pick. I'm telling you, everything this guy touches turns to gold. He's at the draft lottery. He's at the airport, welcoming Oden to town and showing him around. He's on billboards, showing off his non-threatening, family friendly face. He's on commercials, showing off his non-threatening, family friendly, white-sounding voice. He's everywhere.

- He averaged 17 points a game his rookie season and shot 46% from the field. Solid. From day one, when a game was on the line, the ball went to Roy, a rookie, for the final shot. And best of all, he wears #7, earning the Hinds family seal of approval.

But two questions persist.

Question #1: Will the good luck last? Keep in mind, he only played in 57 games last year, due to injury. And what will happen when he endures his first significant pro slump? Will the fans still wildly support him? Will he be able to keep his confidence level up?

I don't think there will be any major issues in this regard. Barring injury, Roy will have another solid season. And to take pressure off Brandon, LaMarcus (I wonder if these guys mind it when complete strangers call them by their first names?) is poised for a breakout season, and we also got this new guy called Greg Oden, who's apparently pretty tall and a decent basketball player. Not much has been written about him, but if you scour the internet for a while, you're bound to come up with something.

Question #2: Will he get any amount of respect from the referees this season? Because he surely didn't last year.

Of course, nobody on the Blazers did, but Roy's treatment was befitting that of a rookie playing for a team whose state cannot be pronounced by 98% of people outside of the state and 70% of people inside of it (No, it's not pronounced "OR-y-gun", as the kitschy t-shirt would have you believe). For exammple, last December my friend Travis and I went to see the Blazers play Philly. This was when Iverson had just demanded a trade, and so he was not playing, and we thought it would be a cakewalk for Portland. Well, it wasn't, and the Sixers were up 10 with 2 minutes to go. Incredibly, the Blazers fought back, and soon we were only down one with 10 seconds left. Blazers ball. Roy takes the inbound pass, goes up for a drive, jumps up to shoot, and gets tackled by Andre Miller. I mean it - tackled. The ball pops loose and the game is over.

So we file out of the Garden and get on the MAX to go home. We're both bitching to whoever will listen to us about what just happened, and soon some guy says to me, "Well, he'll get those calls next year". Now, while I was now angry at this guy for not being more angry at the current situation, he was absolutely right. The refs were not about to let Brandon Roy shoot free throws to decide this game. It did not matter how hard he was fouled. They were not going to blow the whistle. This level of corruption has become commonplace in the NBA, home of the most inept referees in the world. A player's stature has more to do with blowing the whistle than the actual play on the court. And now that Brandon has some hardware, he might end up getting some of those calls next year. Of course, he still plays for Portland, so don't get your hopes up.

MARTELL WEBSTER: It's generally agreed upon that this year is Martell's last chance to prove that he has an NBA game. Although I don't necessarily agree with that, he's gonna have to seriously impress many people this season, because his rookie contract expires in July, and lest we forget, Rudy Fernandez is waiting in the wings.

I like Martell. He's inconsistent, but he's still young. His biggest problem so far has been confidence. After missing a couple open shots, he will shy away from becoming involved in the play, and McMillan will invariably yank him, and he ends up brooding on the end of the bench. He is hesitant to drive to the hoop in traffic, but I've noticed that when he does, it usually ends with a basket. I remember a game last year where he make like five straight driving layups. And if he becomes consistent with his shot, he would be a great guy-who-stands-in-the-corner-and-waits-for-a-slasher-to-drive-and-kick-it-out-to-the-wing-for-an-open-three. I've always wanted one of those guys.

By all accounts, he is singularly obsessed with becoming a great ballplayer - always a good sign. That's partly why I wanted the Blazers to draft Durant over Oden. Durant is seriously crazy, and apparently would not be able to function in a normal society without basketball. Oden, on the other hand, wants to be a dentist. Hmmm. Additionally, Webster is incredibly sensitive, and since the press has turned lukewarm on him, let's just hope that it drives him further towards greatness. It's not likely, but it's possible.

JAMES JONES: It was funny to me how when we got James Jones earlier this summer, people were hailing his leadership qualities. This came right after I finished reading Jack McCallum's :07 Seconds or Less, which basically painted James Jones as insecure and needing an ordered regiment to thrive on the court. Sure, he's a nice guy, and a great spot-up shooter, but after playing with Steve Nash, do you think he can still create his own shot? As much as I like Steve Blake, he's no Nash, and Jones will have to work a bit harder and be alot more self-determined to make things happen on the offensive end. And even last year, with Nash running the offense, he only shot 37% from the field, and as much as I don't want to keep bringing up the fact that we incredibly failed to re-sign Ime Udoka, who Jones essentially replaced, Udoka shot 46%.

TRAVIS OUTLAW: Last year the Blazers were beating the Suns at home, and it looked like they were going to scrape by with a win against one of the league's top teams. Phoenix fought back to tie the game with about five seconds to go. The last play went to Outlaw, who took the ball at the top of the key and skied - skied - above Amare Stoudemire... and instead of slamming the ball through the basket, he decided to use a finger roll, which of course bounced off the back iron right before the buzzer sounded to force overtime.

It was fitting that the culprit was Travis Outlaw. That play was symbolic of his mix of unbelieveable athletic ability and court immaturity. To me, Outlaw should be kept on an even shorter leash than Webster, considering that Outlaw is entering his fifth professional campaign. Hard to believe, that, but he still is making rookie mistakes
that Brandon Roy would never have made last year. Outlaw gets alot of support around Portland, and people were borderline ecstatic about his new contract. Even I, a steadfast Outlaw non-believer, was pleased with the contract, which was a no-brainer. Granted, he has shown moments of brilliance, as has Webster, but Outlaw has made very minimal improvement since his rookie season in shooting, passing, defense, and decision making. Everybody can agree that these are his weaknesses, and when your weaknesses include everything that is necessary to play basketball at the highest level, that is not a good sign. In fact, his only true strength would have to be "athletic ability", which he hasn't really been able to harness.

Many will point to the last game of last season as proof of his potential: 36 points and 10 boards off the bench. Sure, they're great numbers, but consider that we lost the game by 22, or that we were playing without Randolph, Roy, Aldridge, and Udoka, or that Outlaw scored 24 of his 36 in the second half, when the game was already out of reach. There should come a time when potential makes way for good, solid, consistent play. This year, perhaps?

DARIUS MILES: Yes, he's been working out, and yes, he could come back after microfracture knee surgery to put up decent numbers, but I think there's a better chance at seeing Howard Lederer at a downtown Portland strip club. On a related note, I just saw Howard Lederer at a downtown Portland strip club. So you never know.

So who's starting? Well, we know Roy has the 2 locked down for now. But at the 3? I suppose Outlaw is the best choice there, but I would keep Jones ready to take his spot if Outlaw disappoints. I like Webster as the primary backup 2 at this point, and I definitely prefer that over using Jack as a shooting guard. Webster and Jones can platoon - they are very similar players - and so it doesn't really matter who's playing where. But comfort comes with familiarity, and players are always much more at ease when they fully understand their roles on the team. McMillan needs to develop - and stick by - solid substitution patterns in order to see maximum efficiency from this young group.

Less than two months to go...

TJH

Top Gunner

Found a great highlight reel for Rudy:



I think the music might actually be the best part of the video though. Is Spain really that far behind?

KT

Rudy

Rudy Fernandez is from Spain. He has a rad beard. He was recently named Europe's best young basketball player.

And he will play for the Portland Trail Blazers.

Everything's turning up roses.

TJH

The Malone Paradox

As tried and true Trailblazers supporters, there are certain attitudes and prejudice that basically come with the territory. For one, you don't support the Los Angeles Lakers under any circumstances. It doesn't matter if the Blazers are out of the picture, like during the playoffs or something. It's something you just don't do. I knew a guy once who on the surface supported the Blazers, but owned a Lakers cap and wore it from time to time. Naturally, I confronted him about it, and he defended himself by acting callously indifferent and making fun of my "immature" views on sports and, by extension, life in general. "Life is not black and white", I think is what he said at one point, inferring that he, the sporadic Lakers supporter, had the broader world view of the two of us.

And it's great to see him now, sprinkling some of this mature wisdom onto every Deep Dish Hawaiian pizza he shoves into the oven at the Pizza Hut where, at 28 years old, he still works. But I digress. To us, the true supporters, the Lakers existed merely to unite us behind our support for our team. But they were a worthy and, in a sense, admirable opponent. Because even though we loved it when they lost, we still respected them for their willing acceptance of their role as common adversary. It made the losses worse, but the wins tasted even sweeter. You looked forward to when the Lakers came to town, because you knew the Coliseum or the Garden would be rocking.

Nowadays, apart from Los Angeles, the San Antonio Spurs take up most of my basketball-related ire. It's different than my feelings towards the Lakers, though. There's no respect involved at all here. I hate everything the Spurs stand for: they whine, they pout, they play incredibly dirty, they are boring, and they cheat. Contrary to what you might hear from talking heads on television, they are not classy and they are not winners. Bruce Bowen is the dirtiest player of